Life After 3

Without the help of our very good friends I don't know how we would have coped through the very hard months after Sean's death. It goes to show in times like that how valuable friends are. We could never repay the help they gave us. People ask me how am I feeling when I meet them. I usually say OK but half the time I don't know myself. Sometimes I am alright but then something triggers in my head and I just want to burst into tears. Its been a hard couple of days as we have been sorting out Sean's grave stone.

Well we have just come back from a two week camping holiday in lovely Suffolk. Callum loved every minute of it. He made loads of friends on the campsite. We put Buster into a kennel for the two weeks as a lot of the places Callum wanted to see did not allow dogs. Boy did we miss him. He nearly ate us when we picked him up.
It was good to see Callum so happy again playing with his new found friends. I must admit there was a few tearful nights thinking that Sean would have loved the holiday. I seem to get a strange guilty feeling when I am out somewhere without Sean. Even when I go fly fishing I which I loved doing very much I just cant enjoy it as much as I used to before Sean past away. I just don't have any enthusiasm for anything anymore. All I care about now is making sure Callum and Hazell are happy.

Life after 2

A couple of weeks ago Callum came to me and said that he wanted to go beating. Then he said he wanted to go fly fishing as well. My first reaction was to say that if he realy wanted to go then I would gladly take him. Then after a couple of hours I started to worry a bit. Did he say that because he wanted to go or did he say that because he was trying to replace Sean. When Sean and I went beating it was allways know as Sean and Daddy day and Callum and Mummy day as Callum had shown no interest in going with us. When we all went out it was allways Sean and me and Callum and Hazell who sat together or walked together. I have allways loved and treated them both the same as has Hazell but it just turned out that way. Now Sean has gone Is Callum trying to make up for the loss of Sean ?. Who knows what goes through the mind of an eight year old.
              When we got Buster Callum changed overnight. He started to smile and laugh a lot . He was back to his old self again. Plus he opened up a lot more. Even his teachers had noticed the difference in him. He even talks about Sean now which he would never do before. Callum still will not go near Seans grave yet but we shall not force him to go. He will go when he is ready and only he will know that.
                                                                                                                                We have been busy over the last couple of months with going to Highclere, The Cotswold Show and the CLA Game Fair. All of which Callum wanted to go with Buster. He has started wearing a realtree cap which he wanted at Highclere similar to the one Sean used to wear. He also wanted a realtree jacket as well. Now when I see him wearng them I see Sean.
                          Is he trying to be like Sean I hope not. I want him to be like Callum not a Sean clone. Am I wrong in thinking that.? Am I wrong in thinking he is trying to make up for Sean ? I just dont know.